Beginning with a quote from Johnson, it assembles phrases that have worked well to bury the vast majority of mass shootings in the United States — including the more than 600 recorded in 2023, according to the Gun Violence Archive — in pious nonsense, logical contradiction and legislative inaction. Please copy and paste as needed.

In the immediate aftermath of the mass shooting, you say:

“Prayer is appropriate in a time like this, that the evil can end and this senseless violence can stop.”

If the mass shooter uses an AR-15 to kill children in a public school, you say:

“We had AR-15s in the 1960s. [But] we didn’t have those mass school shootings. … We actually had prayer in school during those days.”

But if children are massacred in a Christian school where they have just prayed (or worshipers are killed in a church, mosque or synagogue), you say:

“We’re not going to fix it. Criminals are going to be criminals.”

If no police or armed security personnel were inside the school during the mass shooting, you say:

“We can arm and prepare and train teachers and other administrators to respond quickly.”

If armed staff, police officers or security guards were present but were unable to halt the massacre, you say:

“We must particularly thank and honor our law enforcement and first responders who continue to face skyrocketing violent crimes across the nation.”

If the mass shooter has a history of mental illness, you say:

“We are working to address that anger and violence by going to its root cause, which is addressing the mental health problems behind it.”

If the mass shooter has no recorded history of mental illness, you say:

“We need to return to God.”

If the killer’s weapons were legally obtained, you say:

“I stand behind efforts to enforce our existing laws better.”

But if anyone suggests the existing laws are not sufficient, you say:

“Criminals and mass murderers will ignore any new gun-control law just as they ignore the strict gun control laws in our nation’s most violent cities.”

If you are asked why the United States is a global outlier in gun violence, you say:

“I’m sorry you think American exceptionalism is awful. You’ve got your political agenda.”

If you are pressed for solutions and can no longer avoid proposing action, you say:

“Something has happened to our society, and I go back to abortion. When we decided it was okay to murder kids in their mother’s wombs, life has no value to a lot of these folks.”

If families or communities who have lost loved ones are demanding change in government’s approach to gun safety, you say:

“Too often tragedies are politicized for partisan gain, and we have seen many seek to leverage these crimes and their victims to push for radical left-wing policies.”

If you have run out of all excuses and have no response left to mass shootings beyond a shrug, you say:

“A terrible situation … It just seems to never end for the USA!”

But after any firearm massacre, you never say:

America has more firearms than people, a gun homicide rate 26 times the rate of other high-income countries and notoriously weak gun laws that make us a global outlier. The United States stands alone among peer nations in the number of children dying by firearms, and guns are now the No. 1 leading cause of death of children under 18 in our country. Ninety-seven percent of Americans support a universal criminal background check on all gun purchases, a measure that could save a lot of lives.

It’s time to pass the universal background check and restore the expired ban on military-style assault rifles, which was constitutional and effective. Weapons of war are unnecessary for hunting, recreation or self-defense in the home, which are the purposes of individual gun ownership outside of military service protected by the Second Amendment.

Gun violence is a massive threat to innocent life and limb, a horrific burden on our country and a danger to the social contract in America. The time for action was long ago.